the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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