I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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