I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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