is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Mom said you looked used
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
