hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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