I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
