i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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