Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
