I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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