Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My balls are so social today.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
