chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
