i just wanna soil my oats bro
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
