The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
