but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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