he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
