Swine flu is the new snow day.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
