so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
