Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
