he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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