i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We have started to decorate penises.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize
