I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
So here I am, sexting at work.
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