I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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