So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
