Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
im on a boat
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