Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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