Betty ford says i'm here all night
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
