pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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