I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
