Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
