I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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