Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
