just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
