You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
