The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
