This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
