just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
