No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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