where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
