I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
