well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I need to stop coming to work sober
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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