So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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