Porn is love you can see.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
