I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
