Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
