how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
