I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
