I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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