cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
