he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
