so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
